all hot dogs go to heaven

this week's recipe. a.k.a. the perfect hot dog.(serves 2)
2 wieners per person, make sure the wieners are not frozen, throw them in a microwave for a minute. i generally use oscar meir wieners. regular, beef. byproducts, watch for bones...
don't use hotdog buns, that's lame. use presliced white bread.
slap some butter on the the slices (this prevents the bread from peeling off onto the wiener). don't warm up the bread, don't cut it, brown it or otherwize molest it.
1. heat up wieners,
2. butter bread
3. place wieners DIAGONALLY across the bread slices.
4. lay down a mustard stripe along the length of the wiener. about 4mm in width.
5. lay down a ketchup stripe ONTOP of the mustard stripe, about 4mm in width. same
length.

A couple notes about mustard and ketshup.
-did you not know, have you not heard, that mustard will separate if left for any amount of time in the fridge. therefore, it is vitally important that you prepare the mustard for service before you attempt to lay the mustard stripe. depending on what kind of mustard you have and what type of container you prefer. you will find that everyone has a preference when it comes to how to hold the mustard. the two modes are in a glass container with a widemouth lid. or a plastic squeeze type container with either a pop-top or twist style cone shaped applicator. When using the glass wide mouth container one can simply use a butter knife to "stir" the mustard to get proper mixtures. i don't recommend using this type of application b/c you can't lay down a nice stripe, and remember, appearance is everything. That being said, i like to use french's mustard, i think it's the best. but back to the point, to ensure the mustard is "mixed" before you lay down the stripe upon your fine wiener, you simply twist open the dispenser , hold it upside down and quickly motion the container rapidly up and down 1 or 2 times. you will see the liquid separation come out.
Ketchup is essentially the same, it separates, give it an upside down shake and you'll be in business.
Note about the spelling of ketchup; who cares....

So now we have cooked the wiener, prepped the bread, dealt with the mustard and red stuff, now what? do not attempt to wrap the bread around the wiener until you are prepared to eat it. This demands commitment. you must not have any other distractions. unless you are watching t.v. or listening to the radio. when you are ready to feast simply grab the corners opposite to the corners that have the wiener tips closest and with your thumb on one side and your pinky on the other simply pull the two corners up to fold around the wiener. you may have to go slow with this as to not break the bread or fold it in half. this takes practice and patience. you won't get it the first time. so relax. remember, the purpose of the butter on the bread is to hep keep the bread from crumbling, it will also prevent the bread from getting wet from the wiener condensation, and will prevent the mustard and ketchup from soaking into the bread causing further distractions.

Like i said, this takes focus and effort, but it like baseball, if you hit a homerun everyone will cheer, but if you stike out and smash yourself in the face with the bat, everyone will laugh.
enjoy the world's best hotdog.