the other day my son got a couple stitches in his forehead, right on the inside edge of his right eyebrow. the cut is about an inch long and runs straight up and down. sort of. not to big you say, unless of course your 4 and your entire face is only about 5 or 6 inches from chin to hairline. probably more like 5, wait, i'll go measure...o.k. back again. have you ever tried to measure a sleeping kids face? in the dark? me neither....truthfully, not about to start....anyways, so lets say for the sake of the story that his face is 5.5 inches from chin to hairline, that's a happy medium.
(i totally just came to an agreement with myself....) anyways, usually when i have a disagreement with myself-i lose. well loooks like tonight i win...WTF> anyways, back to the story. .. . so we agree that the cut is an inch long running vertical. and i mean a GOOD inch, no exagerating. plus another cut on his cheek that's in line with the big good inch cut. So now he's got this pirate/bad guy movie scar on his face, the kind that is above the eye and below it. the kind you get from having an epic battle with swords and ropes. Great, my perfect boy is scarred. hmmmm now what? maybe i could give him away and try for another perfect child. hahahaha just kidding.(i actually happen to have a perfect daughter that i can fall back on if needed). i think the scar looks tough actually. And you know, if a four year old needs anything in this life, it's a tough looking pirate/movie scar on his face. seriously, if ever you wanted a pirate/scar on your face, this would be it. figures. it would take my offspring to start getting cool pirate/scars at such a young age. Hell, i did, i think i was about his age when i stabbed myself in the back ( i know...how the hell....) anyways, long story, neither here nor there. lets just say it involved a swingset and the first ever incident of "freestyle swinging". which happens to be the precurser to EVERY "extreme sport" ever invented. i know, i invented it. me and this other shady fellow who has the tendency to leave knuckle prints on steel surfaces..(once again, not exagerating). But we've never ever claimed ownership to anything "extreme". we're about the tamest people ever. The only extreme things about us are his dandruff, and my rapidly encroaching baldness. together were like an eagle in a snowstorm. the problem is , nobody believes us. whatever. anyways, back to the origional story. tonight we took out my son's stitches. Actually, HE took them out! i cut the stitches and he looked in the mirror and pulled them out himself. HE"S FRICKIN' FOUR YEARS OLD! What four year old takes out his own stitches? It was like i was watching a midget tom cruise or steven segal, but not. Anyways, the thing i'm gettting at here, is that my son is everything that i'd like to be. I'm so proud of him that i can't even express it. Don't get me wrong, I'm not in some delusional fatherhood state where i actually think my kid is the saviour of the world. and better than yours, but he is....If he graduates high school i'll be happy. In other words, i know that he's just your average kid, he's shy at times,, whiny occasionally, playful all the time, smartassed more than he really needs to be, and quite a handsome fellow if i do say so myself. i wouldn't want him to be anything else but a normal kid. so what if he counts like this 1,2,3,4,3,4,3,4,3,8...he'll figure it out. maybe. I laugh at these parents who have there kids in 18 different sports and they can play the Ride of the Valkeries" on the violin at age 3. Most of those kids are going to go off the deepend and end up selling bottlecaps at the nearest statefair, living in a old schoolbus with old vw vans welded to the roofs so they can stand up when they're cooking the hash and putting wax in their dreadlocks. If i've seen it once, i've seen it a 1000 times. Next thing you know is your tooth is missing and your daughters knocked up. But anyways, another time...I also laugh at his attempts to be funny, his latest is this, he comes up to you, pulls down his pants turns around and says "smell my bum"! then guts himself laughing. now what is funnier than a four year old trying to get someone to kneel down and smell his bum. It's comedy gold. But to his credit, he is very patient, and seems to understand the situation when it requires understanding. i.e. , like not letting his sister get to close to the rotweiller and pitbull cross mutt that i've been trying to breed with a horse. Yep, i want a dog that takes me to the park. or brings the park to me....anyways, . I know he has a breaking point, but he also has this uncanny, un-four year old knack of letting things roll off his back, (not literally), but, you know...nothing phases him. He'll go with the flow, he hardly ever complains , Except when his sister is playing with his trainset.Then the gloves are off. (once again...not literally) On the other hand, you can't get him to do anything, or go anywhere that he is convinced he doesn't want to go. he doesn't like dogs, and tells the owners that, straight up. the other night i took him to the movie "night at the mueseum" and it was a little intense for a little guy. He was trembling with fear like i'd never seen before and i thought he'd have a heartattack and implode. So we left, but all he was concerned about (other than dying) was the popcorn we left behind. He didn't cry, although at one point his lower lip balled up the way little kids lips do when they're faced with impending doom. I guess i learned a lesson there huh... i could go on all night, but that would probably result in me being arrested. I just wanted to give a midget shout out to my guy. My boy (and my daughter and wife-*disclaimer*) is/are my world. I could be shovelling shat for a living, (which i pretty much do) but as long as i come home to his smiling face and sparkling eyes and pirate/badguy movie scared face, i'm seriously the luckiest, richest guy alive. And let me end this by saying, I myself am Far from perfect,(not that far) but for some reason i've been enlightened to something. Although not a revelation, kinda like a realization born out of my own fears and experiences. anyways, Let me share it with you. For all you fast-paced lifestyle, successful, trendy, i'm making it in the world type alpha-dads, you better slow the f down and take a look at your kids. They need you more than a thousand crackheads or any phonecall or any "boys night", or project. Don't get me wrong, those things are important and shouldn't be ignored, but you never know what is just around the corner, life is weird that way, and before you know it, you'll be around the corner yourself, then what....boom
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