why on saturdays?

ahhh geeez, i fell into the well again today. why does this always happen on saturdays. took 9 hours for someone (R), to realize i was not around and that the distant, muffled, echo-y, gurgly voice in the back-yard by the old outhouse was not really supposed to be there. i guess it didn't help that i was actually using an ancient dialect of arameic to get anyones' attention. why on saturdays? why on saturdays.

a true story.

i remember once waiting for a bus, and it just so happened that a speckled trout approached me and asked for a nickel. I said 'nope', even though i had just found a dime. I chuckled to myself as i got on the bus because it seemed funny to me that a speckled trout would need a nickel. Then i wondered, what if the speckled trout needed the nickel to complete his (or her) bus fare. I didn't want to look back at the bus-stop. but i did. and i was right. and in that moment i caught a glance of the speckled trout standing there looking down at the change in his/her fin-hand and shaking his/her head. he/she seemed forlorn and disheartened at his(or her) predicament. oh well, i thought. at least I'm not a speckled trout. then i felt better.

uh oh.

sheeesh. this frightens me. i actually got to my blog site from someone elses link. yikes! now i'm really conflicted. cause i'm getting ideas of who reads this crap. speaking of crap, ahhh, the van. love it. i'm pretty much your basic kick me in the nuts type of guy when it comes to anything vehicleicious. why you ask? let me explain. if any of you have been following my gals blog as of late you'd notice that every once-in-a-while you see a post about the progress in regards to the van. well, to say the least and spare you of the gory details i'll explain it like this, you know when on t.v there is a patient on the operating table who keeps flatlining dying and the great doctor keeps bringing the person back from entering the light? well, replace doctor with janitor, and replace patient with van, and replace light with junkyard, and you get the picture. nuff said. no sympathy needed. i feel sorry for myself as it is. i don't know why, i'm so hot, i have that to fall back on. But back to the van. the other night, it broke down and needed a tow home. so as it's loaded onto the flatdeck truck i look at it and honestly think to myself, wow, what a great looking van! whaaauuuuhhhhttttt(scooby-doo voice)the thing has been nothing but troubles since january, and here i am looking at it thinking it's the best looking car on the road. but i think it's it's time to replace it, therein lies the problem. what should take it's place. so i've created a list of potential, (and real) options that i've been thinking of. but i need your help on this. i'll try to find pics and i'll list the choices and it's up to you all to tell me what to get. I have my preference but l tell you later, here are the candidates;





a). 1968 cadillac sedan deville

b). 1968 bay window

c). 1972 dodge dart swinger

d). stick with the brown couch

now, i won't even get into the bikes i'd like to get, another time perhaps? and there are more cars. to many to choose from. so anyways, what do you think? remember, i have found these vehicles (not these exact ones, but reasonable facimiles thereof), i don't care about the price of gas, i just want to look cool. or, i could just keep the van, hell, by now it's practically new, and doesn't owe me a penny.

i want a horse now.

Awful Indian Movie Horse Stunt - Click Here for more great videos and pictures!

stryper!

tell me i'm wrong, stryper is the best band ever! i'm dying here, oh my sides, they ache, e dei moi, i die..ahhahahahahahhhhh!!!!!! the yellow and black attack! bzzzzzzzzz stings like a bee! below is the best video ever.

wtf.-again

here's another 'old post' re put up from my old blog. i guess i'm just lazy, yep, that's it. but it still is relevant at this moment.

ok. wtf! why am i such a friggin tool when it comes to anything that has a keyboard attached. this includes phones. i really am a neanderthal. i am actually a the monkey that learned to drive a big wheel at age two and then somehow figured out how to drive 4 big wheels and scrape a living together doing it. must make people feel safe to know that i'm behind the wheel of a 27 000 kg piece of steel.damn pop upsz that are in the disguise of "security alerts" whatever actaully, the bane of my existance. nasher of teeth. here's a piece of advice, don't bother. anyways, forgot my password, again. almost threw the computer across the room, again. actaully, heres' some more advice, the sooner you realize your a complete fool. a stick with two legs, a buffoon with a balloon, a lightbulb with a loose rattle when you shake it, the guy who wants to wear the lampahde at the party but doesn't have time because he reads maps upside down and goes in the opposite dierction,or a curser that's frozen on the screen like a friggin deer in the headlights, the sooner you will be able to relax and not throw a computer across a room. the five things i hate in life but for some reason can't live with out are; computers, phones, and roads. what am i to do. and another thing, how does one "link "from one blog to another? i know it's easy and probably written rite in front of me, but if it's not a big colorful picture with either a car or a girl, then i won't understand. sorry. oh yeah, started reading another book, 4 actually, but one in particular is called "lamb" by christopher moore. darnit, funny stuff. it's about the life of Jesus as told by his childhood friend "Biff". another is "the long way round", the story of ewan mcgregor and charlie boorman as they road their bikes around the world. two guys that i instantly wanted to be friends with the moment i saw the show on t.v. 2 guys that i think i could laugh with and have a good time with who would be into doing the same thing. It's too bad that there aren't that many guys who are into that anymore. the next is "south of the pumphouse" by primus bassist less claypool,who always reminds me of fishing, which is the best sport in the world. and the 4rth is " the knights of the black and white", by kelowna author Jack White, who has written about 12 books all in a series chronicling the story of the arthurian legend i've read all the others, so i can't stop now.. so now you have some things i hate, and some things i don't hate. hate is a strong word, i know, and it works quite well. thank-you and goodnight.
so, now what.

hoodride

my girl

Would you believe that i have a daughter. I know that sounds like a redundant statement. in fact, to me it sounds crazy, what the heck is God thinking? a daughter? me? whaaaauhhhttttt?

you may think to your computer screen, 'uhh, yeah mike, you do'...duh.
but...think about it for a second...i have a daughter, a little girl. a sweet little princess. a beautiful little blue eyed sweet-pea. a curly red headed ball of fire who always catches me in her gaze and grabs me in her little hands and wraps my heart around every finger. with ease. she is feisty, outrageous, fiendish, adventurous, and always wanting to be where the fun is . she knows what she wants and will stop at nothing to get it. If you get in her way you put your flesh in jeopardy. I love her because of that. And because she shows me who i need to be. for her, and who i want to be, for myself....and she's not even two yet...

how i feel today

abc's

today as i was having a 'coffee break' downtown in new west, strange reality reared it's massive face and challenged me to a duel. I was sitting in a cafe wondering why the waitress brought me toast with jam but no peanut butter. This would not do, i thought, and got up to go find some peanut butter. Right as i turned around i noticed two men at the table behind me, one man was slumped over and the other guy was trying to decide what to do. apparently the poor sap sitting at the table was having some sort of medical meltdown. We lowered him to the floor and i proceeded to do some preliminary first aid until help came. Anyways, this guy told me he had no idea what was happening or why. He didn't have a condition that he was aware of, and no missed medication. So this was a complete surprise to him. One minute he's sipping o.j., chewing on toast and eating bacon, the next laying on the floor not knowing if he'd be alive in 5 minutes....
it's kinda funny the way mortality lets me know it's around, lurking. It keeps me focused i suppose. Focused on the things that are important to me. The funny thing is, i've dodged quite a few 'bullets' in my days, like i said before, more than once i've wondered if i'd be alive to wonder about what had just happened. But i'm here, so....anyways, learn your abc's, get some first aid training. That is unless you are the type that can step over a person who needs help. The most helpless feeling i think, is not the person laying on the ground, but the person standing beside them, not knowing what to do. don't let yourself get in either position.

pirate face redux.

I was just looking at my old blog and came across this story so i thought i'd put in here. It happened right around Christmas.

the other day my son got a couple stitches in his forehead, right on the inside edge of his right eyebrow. the cut is about an inch long and runs straight up and down. sort of. not to big you say, unless of course your 4 and your entire face is only about 5 or 6 inches from chin to hairline. probably more like 5, wait, i'll go measure...o.k. back again. have you ever tried to measure a sleeping kids face? in the dark? me neither....truthfully, not about to start....anyways, so lets say for the sake of the story that his face is 5.5 inches from chin to hairline, that's a happy medium.
(i totally just came to an agreement with myself....) anyways, usually when i have a disagreement with myself-i lose. well loooks like tonight i win...WTF> anyways, back to the story. .. . so we agree that the cut is an inch long running vertical. and i mean a GOOD inch, no exagerating. plus another cut on his cheek that's in line with the big good inch cut. So now he's got this pirate/bad guy movie scar on his face, the kind that is above the eye and below it. the kind you get from having an epic battle with swords and ropes. Great, my perfect boy is scarred. hmmmm now what? maybe i could give him away and try for another perfect child. hahahaha just kidding.(i actually happen to have a perfect daughter that i can fall back on if needed). i think the scar looks tough actually. And you know, if a four year old needs anything in this life, it's a tough looking pirate/movie scar on his face. seriously, if ever you wanted a pirate/scar on your face, this would be it. figures. it would take my offspring to start getting cool pirate/scars at such a young age. Hell, i did, i think i was about his age when i stabbed myself in the back ( i know...how the hell....) anyways, long story, neither here nor there. lets just say it involved a swingset and the first ever incident of "freestyle swinging". which happens to be the precurser to EVERY "extreme sport" ever invented. i know, i invented it. me and this other shady fellow who has the tendency to leave knuckle prints on steel surfaces..(once again, not exagerating). But we've never ever claimed ownership to anything "extreme". we're about the tamest people ever. The only extreme things about us are his dandruff, and my rapidly encroaching baldness. together were like an eagle in a snowstorm. the problem is , nobody believes us. whatever. anyways, back to the origional story. tonight we took out my son's stitches. Actually, HE took them out! i cut the stitches and he looked in the mirror and pulled them out himself. HE"S FRICKIN' FOUR YEARS OLD! What four year old takes out his own stitches? It was like i was watching a midget tom cruise or steven segal, but not. Anyways, the thing i'm gettting at here, is that my son is everything that i'd like to be. I'm so proud of him that i can't even express it. Don't get me wrong, I'm not in some delusional fatherhood state where i actually think my kid is the saviour of the world. and better than yours, but he is....If he graduates high school i'll be happy. In other words, i know that he's just your average kid, he's shy at times,, whiny occasionally, playful all the time, smartassed more than he really needs to be, and quite a handsome fellow if i do say so myself. i wouldn't want him to be anything else but a normal kid. so what if he counts like this 1,2,3,4,3,4,3,4,3,8...he'll figure it out. maybe. I laugh at these parents who have there kids in 18 different sports and they can play the Ride of the Valkeries" on the violin at age 3. Most of those kids are going to go off the deepend and end up selling bottlecaps at the nearest statefair, living in a old schoolbus with old vw vans welded to the roofs so they can stand up when they're cooking the hash and putting wax in their dreadlocks. If i've seen it once, i've seen it a 1000 times. Next thing you know is your tooth is missing and your daughters knocked up. But anyways, another time...I also laugh at his attempts to be funny, his latest is this, he comes up to you, pulls down his pants turns around and says "smell my bum"! then guts himself laughing. now what is funnier than a four year old trying to get someone to kneel down and smell his bum. It's comedy gold. But to his credit, he is very patient, and seems to understand the situation when it requires understanding. i.e. , like not letting his sister get to close to the rotweiller and pitbull cross mutt that i've been trying to breed with a horse. Yep, i want a dog that takes me to the park. or brings the park to me....anyways, . I know he has a breaking point, but he also has this uncanny, un-four year old knack of letting things roll off his back, (not literally), but, you know...nothing phases him. He'll go with the flow, he hardly ever complains , Except when his sister is playing with his trainset.Then the gloves are off. (once again...not literally) On the other hand, you can't get him to do anything, or go anywhere that he is convinced he doesn't want to go. he doesn't like dogs, and tells the owners that, straight up. the other night i took him to the movie "night at the mueseum" and it was a little intense for a little guy. He was trembling with fear like i'd never seen before and i thought he'd have a heartattack and implode. So we left, but all he was concerned about (other than dying) was the popcorn we left behind. He didn't cry, although at one point his lower lip balled up the way little kids lips do when they're faced with impending doom. I guess i learned a lesson there huh... i could go on all night, but that would probably result in me being arrested. I just wanted to give a midget shout out to my guy. My boy (and my daughter and wife-*disclaimer*) is/are my world. I could be shovelling shat for a living, (which i pretty much do) but as long as i come home to his smiling face and sparkling eyes and pirate/badguy movie scared face, i'm seriously the luckiest, richest guy alive. And let me end this by saying, I myself am Far from perfect,(not that far) but for some reason i've been enlightened to something. Although not a revelation, kinda like a realization born out of my own fears and experiences. anyways, Let me share it with you. For all you fast-paced lifestyle, successful, trendy, i'm making it in the world type alpha-dads, you better slow the f down and take a look at your kids. They need you more than a thousand crackheads or any phonecall or any "boys night", or project. Don't get me wrong, those things are important and shouldn't be ignored, but you never know what is just around the corner, life is weird that way, and before you know it, you'll be around the corner yourself, then what....boom

the great dilema.

I've been kinda looking around at different blogs and various sites are becoming usual visits. however, the one thing i am noticing is that these people are smart, theologically profound, funny, concerned about the plight of humanity, and i consider them to be good people. So it makes me wonder if i should put more time and thought into what i write, but all i can come up with is this; when i shave my neck, i never know where to stop. I mean, where the chest hair meets the neck hair, where do i stop? how far down do i shave? i can't figure it out....please help.

the tip of the iceberg.

Forget about 'global warming', here's something that demonstrates the way the world is really changing. the other day a co -worker was telling me about how his ex-wife caught their 15 year old soon looking at porn on the computer. The ex-wife wanted the dad to 'talk' to the son, chew him out, give him a hard time about it, embarrass him, blah, blah,blah. The dad's main concern however, was not that the kid was looking at porn, (because, in the dad's own words, at his age he was doing 'more' stuff with girls), but rather, that the son didn't infect the computer with any viruses.
Why do we ask "why, oh why!" is society so messed up? We all know the answer, we want it to be. because it justifies our own selfishness. Because it seems that the status quo dictates that morality is something that shouldn't be taught, but is something that should be stumbled upon, in accordance to what is convenient for the stumbler. If you want to, go ahead and establish your own code of ethics. If i tell someone that they did something they shouldn't have done, yet i have done the same thing in the past, telling them it was wrong is admitting i shouldn't have done it and can't do it anymore. and i can't do that because I'd have to change, and i don't want to. in other words, my convenience and selfishness is more important than doing what should be done in certain circumstances. which is teaching someone and directing them to have some morality and a sense of ethics that is above what society deems convenient. But then again, What defines one's morality? and don't even try to tell me to be accountable!
Yes, the the earth is doomed, but not because the icebergs are melting.

van of woe

i have this 85 vanagon, the picture is at the bottom. great van, been the best for the last 5 years. but all of a sudden in the last 2 months it was fallen to peices faster than the side of a mountian in the crowsnest pass. Here's a list since january. In order.tires needed to be replaced, metal bands broke on on side. tail pipe fell off, then muffler split in half. Gas pedal mount broke. clutch slave cylinder leak. Then clutch master cylinder. Then Brake master cylinder. then left side front brake caliper. while on the jack, the van slipped backwards, the drivers door was open and fell onto another car, my door destroyed the passenger door of the other car. no damage to the van door though... the insturment cluster doesn't work. the other day the van just died. no spark. probably the coil. plugs fouled. also need a new distributor, plugs and wires. At least! not sure what else. all this work has been fixed by myslef so far. and if your on the westcoast you know the type of winter we've had. And i've spent much of it under my van, in the dark, in the rain, snow and freezing cold trying to justify to myself the deal i'm getting by not having to pay outrageous insurance rates or a monthly car payment. Although it begining to seem like a nice comfortable alternative....